My First Rodeo by Stoney Stamper

Author:Stoney Stamper
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2019-04-30T04:00:00+00:00

Dad Talk

Ilove being a dad. I really do. That’s a super hilarious thing to hear myself say. And I’m sure anyone who has known me for any amount of time thinks it’s even funnier than I do. But I do, I love being a dad.

For years I swore I’d never have kids. I was certain of it. It just wasn’t the direction I imagined my life would ever take. My friends were parents, also my sister, my cousins. I watched them interact with their children. I saw them doting and swooning over every little thing. Every silly smile, raised eyebrow, burp, or giggle would bring about a round of applause not unlike what you might expect to hear during the encore of a Led Zeppelin concert. The adoring oohs and aahs and laughter of the approving parents were sweet, for a minute. Sure, they were proud. Sure, they thought their kid was the cutest kid on the planet. And the smartest. And the most athletic. I guess that’s just human nature.

I just didn’t understand this behavior. Sure, they were cute kids. I would briefly play with them or aggravate them. I liked to make them laugh. But the first hint of a cry, or a snotty nose, or a poopy diaper, and this boy was out. I wanted nothing to do with it. I have a horrible confession to make. Don’t think badly of me, okay? When people look at newborn babies and say things like “Oh, he’s so cute; he looks just like his daddy!” or “Oh my goodness, she’s so precious; she looks just like her mama!” or “She’s got her daddy’s nose” or “Look at that little dimple when she smiles. Just like her papa!” Okay, seriously. I don’t see any of that. I try, I really do. I look at them, and I grin and nod my head. But I don’t see anything like that. All I see is a little squashed-up face with wrinkly skin and a bald head with no teeth. I suppose they look more like my ninety-year-old granddad than anything. But I can’t really say that unless I want to be disowned and banished by pretty much everyone.

There were few things I was certain of in life, but I was sure I’d never become one of those embarrassingly proud daddies who gloated over a child’s every move. Or so I thought.

Fast-forward a few years. April came along, with her two beautiful daughters. I took the whole mess of them under my wing, and I never looked back. All of a sudden I was a dad. It all happened so fast, I couldn’t believe it. I found myself in laughable situations that were unfathomable only a short time before.

Suddenly, I was at the American Girl store, surrounded by thousands of dolls and giddy, squealing little girls. Several hundred bucks later, I found myself outside on the sidewalk wondering what had just happened. I found myself on the sidelines at a peewee football

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